Reposing Faith This Hump Day

Hello there, my dear readers. How is hump day treating y’all? Two more days to the weekend, huh? I know that’s really sad, but you know what’s sadder? Being a part of the vicious cycle and not knowing the way out. This circle may consist of being in the mortgage enigma, stuck at a full-time job trading time for money, and whatnot!

You know, it’s not a secret that no one really gets rich trading their time for money, yet we all have bills to pay and thus left with little to no option right? I can talk from my perspective that I can see everything around me almost collapsing sometimes, nothing really makes sense and I find myself inside a deep pit, not knowing what is to be done. 

These are also the times when I can see several fingers being pointed at me, and when I cry out for help I find no hands to hold or shoulders to weep on. Time and again I feel like everyone is just accusing me of allegations that I have never committed in the first place, and I have nowhere to go. 

Defending myself isn’t my forte and that perhaps explains why all my efforts go down the drain despite the best of my intentions. These times I do not know what to do, where to go, and most importantly how to save myself. As far as the rest of the people are concerned I have seen that most of them have questionable work ethics, but when it comes to safeguarding themselves they go full swing, literally pushing the other person under the bus. 

Then there are all sorts of blame games, and I recall all those times when the fingers are being pointed at me, and I would be stupified, as I did not know how to answer back and save myself. When others would tell me that I was at fault, I would do nothing but blindly believe them, and recheck if it was me who actually committed the mistake. 

And this carried on for many days and when I couldn’t take it anymore, I decided to fight myself. Fight the continuous voice inside of me that would say that I am not good enough, or I am incompetent. It took me five years or more to condition my mind, and myself that nothing is wrong with me, and that it's people who are acting weird. 

I had begun by talking to myself and addressing all the queries about why did I have such low self-esteem? What caused it, and why on earth would I doubt myself? Slowly and gradually I began calming myself and addressing such queries and I was gradually able to cope. 

It had all begun with one thing -- faith. Faith, in fact, tremendous faith in myself and I continue with that practice. One of favourite monks would always tell us to keep tremendous faith in ourselves, and soon everything will fall into place. And, this hump day I will continue this practice - have tremendous faith in myself and operate with the belief that I can do nothing wrong. 

I am special and I am reposing faith. Not on anyone else, but myself.

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