Was Progressing With My Debut Novel Easy?

Well, I’d say yes and no. Yes, once you do realise that it’s your dream project, then there can be no turning back from it and maybe when you do see your fingers typing in, you get the feel that finally your book is out in the open and you could be qualified as an author, because finally it’s your dream come true. 

I say the progress was hard sometimes, and honestly that’d stretch over a few days too where I’d probably be a victim to what’s popularly called a “writer’s block” - a phase where there is like a temporary freeze on the writer’s brain and he/she can’t function in writing for a specific time. I’d visit that space quite often in my journey of being an author and mostly I wouldn’t have any idea how to proceed any further from there. 

There’d be days when I’d be left absolutely blank and often try to vent by weeping my heart out, when I’d discover that none of my own writing actually made any sense. As I write this, I can recall the number of times I’d repeat to myself that perhaps my writing isn’t good enough and that no one is ever going to read my work. Days rolled by and my grief aggravated, till one day I had this realisation that it was me myself that was causing all the stress. And, how can I presume such disastrous results without even knowing what my book looks like in reality?

Of course people will have their own point of view, but why would that be a concern for me? Also, if I feel that my work has to be improved then I must take action, rather than just sit back and cringe. Who could save myself from the situation other than myself? This was perhaps a turning point in my life where I decided to do something concrete - only to convince myself and no one else. 

From that day I made it a point to ask myself first - after every chapter, stanza even and strive to understand what could have been done better from the perspective of a reader and could I improve anywhere if there was a chance for improvement, and if I felt that the work was good, then I’d applaud myself too at times (but that was very seldom, haha). 

Following this routine I had seen that things became much easier in my life and I could also figure that these added stress and pressure were all that I myself was adding into my life unnecessarily, and that no one, I repeat no one had held me on gun point and had expected me to live up to their expectations. And if I did put myself into that spot of continuous rebuking by myself, and only I could pull myself out of that situation. 

And I did. Truth to be told, in the initial days I did struggle a lot, every now and then I’d feel as if something was pulling me back to that area of self doubt, and I kept my foot down and said that I am not going back there and finally after a few attempts I could see myself successfully coming out of that phase and never did I feel happier. So, I could conclude from this tiny exercise of mine that our minds are perhaps 10 times stronger than what we think - we just have to identify our inner strength and march ahead. 

Perhaps I must also mention here that the process of self analysing/trying and testing required some, actually a rigorous amount of continuity and self discipline, I’ll talk more about it in my blog tomorrow. For today, I’ll leave you with this thought of the progress of my debut novel; which after stating all of this, I’d say was perhaps easy…

Image courtesy: Riza Rifshandya on Unsplash